Most women want perky boobs. I'd like to think instead about the perks of NO boobs!
Since I got the news on Thursday that the mastectomy I had convinced myself was several years in the future is in fact much more imminent, I have been so stuck on all the things I'm losing. Of course this is natural, and believe me, I'm not over it. But today I thought, "Maybe if I just try to think of some good things, and embrace that ol' Johanna sense of humor while I'm at it, maybe I'll feel a little better." So I started brainstorming some good things that will come from not having boobs. I've come up with 12 reasons, but I'd like to solicit your help in coming up with more. Post other ideas in the comments below!
1) Obviously the big perk and #1 reason is: no more cancer. And no more fear of cancer (at least not breast cancer). Because what I have is "in situ" (non-invasive), once all my breast tissue is gone, there really is no risk of it coming back, because it hasn't gotten in my bloodstream. So that's an obvious perk. No more cancer, no more nerve-wracking check-ups... and no more mammograms! (Glory hallelujah!).
2) No more bra shopping, the very worst kind of shopping in my book (up there with swimming suits, which admittedly will be worse post-boob-removal). And related, I'll save a lot of money!
3) I'll suddenly become much more competitive at The Limbo. I'll be such a hit at sleep-overs.
4) Greater willingness to be a part of the wall in front of the opposing team's direct kick in soccer games. Also related to that, soccer chest traps will be easier - I was always so jealous of men's soccer for that.
5) Much easier to dress as a male character for Halloween.
6) Flop-less jogging.
7) Easier sight-line to toes (which are freshly painted, by the way, so hooray! Maybe I can spend the money I save on bras on pedicures instead - WAY more pleasurable use of money).
8) Chest-bumps with friends (or whomever).
9) Quick weight-loss: I will suddenly lose several pounds.
10) Most women get older and lament their saggy boobs. I will never have saggy boobs. They will be perky up to the very end.
11) As Michael's and my hearts grow emotionally closer working through cancer together again, they will also grow physically closer with no boobs getting in the way when we hug.
12) Hugs in general will be a lot easier.
Thanks for your help!