Being my opposite

The acting class I’m taking has affected me in a way I didn’t expect. I had planned on it helping my preaching by expanding the way I use my voice and body in my proclamation, and maybe it will. But more than that, it has been a way to expand my understanding of compassion.

I have thought a lot about compassion in the past year or so, and how it plays in pastoral care. Brene Brown has some wonderful insights about compassion and empathy (read Daring Greatly or watch her TEDTalks to learn more). She observes that empathy is getting down in the deep hole with someone in pain, rather than stand up at the top and bellow down, “You okay down there?” It is much easier to keep that safe distance, though, isn’t it? (The deep hole link above is highly recommended - click on it!)

How has the acting class helped me to think about this? I mentioned in a previous blog about how we were to find our opposite way of using space, then to find an animal that represents that opposite, and now we are to perform a monologue in the style of that animal (as if it were a person). So for one hour a week, I am having to become a different person – the way I move, the way I talk, even the way I think.

I’m doing more than sitting at the top of the hole, and even more that crawling down into it. I am actually becoming a completely different person.

On our anniversary adventure to the Poconos last week, Michael and I ran into two young women, sisters from Long Island, who were staying there. They were a bit out of place at a “couples only” resort, but there were two of them, and it looked like a nice place to stay, so they reserved a room. Naturally, since everyone else was there for the “Land of Love,” many assumed that they were a lesbian couple. I asked how they felt about that. They said it was a really revealing social study: men ogled them, women glared at them and pulled their husbands or boyfriends away, and even the hospitality at the front desk were friendly but hardly looked them in the eye. The younger, more outgoing sister commented, “We’re used to Long Island, where everything is normal. But we feel really judged here! It’s interesting to see a bit of what real lesbian couples experience all the time. Except we can leave that when we check out of the resort.”

What if we all had a chance to do that – even to take on being a kind of person who is totally different from who we are? In my class, my opposite person is someone who is unbound, light, slow, and indirect, and even this makes me a little crazy. Being unbound takes conscious effort (even as I write this, I notice my legs are crossed), trying to be light makes me trip, being indirect makes me feel completely unfocused, and being slow stresses me out (“I’m never going to get there!!”).

These are pretty mundane things. But what if I consciously tried to have the beliefs of someone whose religious, political, or ideological beliefs are opposite mine? What if I spent time actually trying to get in the head of someone I disagree with, and tried to be that person for one day, even one hour, and see what it is like? What would I learn about them? What would I learn about myself?

What sort of vulnerability and humility would it take to do that? I’m having a hard enough time trying to get through my shower in a different order (a.k.a. be unbound).

I continue to meditate on this possibility, and you may see some blogs in the future reflecting on each of the dichotomies we have focused on in acting class. Meanwhile, I encourage you to try it yourself. Get in someone else’s head and see the world through their eyes. Or if that’s too much for you, just try to move more slowly if you move quickly, or more quickly if you move slowly, or any of the other pairings (bound/unbound, direct/indirect, fast/slow, heavy/light).

See what you notice. See how it changes your view of the world, and how it changes your ability to engage in compassion. See if this is for the better.