Back to life!

Friends, it is with great pleasure that I can tell you today: I feel good.

It's amazing. Practically overnight, I suddenly feel like myself again. Wednesday, I didn't need any pain meds for my chest, only for a headache. I even went for a fairly brisk walk - my first one in weeks - for about 25 minutes, and still didn't need anything. Yesterday, I didn't take any at all, and I returned to the office. First day I have felt like that is even a possibility. When I got home, I took another walk. This week, I finished everything that was on my work to-do list: two sermons, Advent prep, newsletter articles, everything. I even spent time doing my hair yesterday morning. By yesterday evening, I was feeling like pretty hot stuff.

Michael even mentioned that it looked like I had a skip in my step. I said, "Funny you should say so, because when I picture myself walking around today, in my memory it felt like I was skipping." He said I look happier, my color is back, and I am moving more naturally, less stiffly. I have been able to sleep this week on my side a little bit - not for as long as I would like before it starts to hurt, and my arms have to be just so, and the angle has to be just right, but it is something! Last night, I put on something that makes me feel sexy to see how my newbie boobies would fill it out - and I actually felt sexy. I felt so vain, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, "Wow! I look hot!" As many times as Michael has told me that (I told him the best thing he could do to help me is continue to tell me I'm beautiful), this was the first time since early October that I believed him. I even did a skippy little dance to prove it. :)

Today, I woke up feeling genuinely motivated for the first time in weeks. I was excited about all the things I wanted to do today. (I got through about three of my lengthy list... oh well, there is still tomorrow!) Oh, to be excited about life again! Hooray! I bustled around doing some chores, finally fixing or putting away things that took five seconds but I haven't had the energy to do it. I went out on some errands and did my Christmas elf thing, picking up things here and there for the loved ones in my life. I did our first real grocery run since probably September. I made dinner, with help from my beloved.

And yes, after all of THAT I do feel a bit worn out. But to be fair, I would in the best of circumstances. (Of course, normally I don't feel my fatigue in my boob, but that's beside the point.) Don't worry, all you who are watching out for me - I will continue to listen to my body and not push it. But I am just so delighted to feel something like a normal Johanna. What a difference from Monday night, when I had a total meltdown. It would seem I needed to have the meltdown to get it out of my system, so that I could get on with the business of healing. Way to go, weird emotions. They never cease to surprise.

Tomorrow I'm getting a spa pedicure, a treat to myself. And then I'll really be ready to face the world. Let's do this thing!