Weight-lifting and coping skills

I managed to get away this weekend (Fri-Sat) to help my best friend celebrate her 30th birthday today. Woke up early on Friday, hopped in the car, and drove four hours to Cleveland. The further I got from home, the less weight I seemed to be holding. Wonderful! I had a grand time with an old friend and a new one (her husband). We went to fun shops, out to eat, bowling, were solicited by a strange man trying to sell us baby turtles (at 10:40 pm in a bowling alley...?), went to the natural history museum... It was great, and I hardly thought at all about what else was going on in my life beyond that little circle of friends.

I headed back home with high hopes of returning feeling refreshed. Instead, as I approached home, I felt heavier and heavier. Probably it was a combination of a four-hour drive and having spent an hour the night before throwing a heavy ball down an alley 40-some times in a row. But it felt like more than that.

So... bring in the coping skills! When I battled my Hodgkin's, I sometimes talked about having "two Johannas." I had one that went to the doctor, gave herself daily shots, knew all kinds of otherwise useless medical terms, and sometimes felt sick, and I had another who played soccer when she was well enough, went to the ELCA Western States Youth Gathering and band camp, went to friends' birthday parties, and laughed and had a good time. (Actually, both Johannas were laughing Johannas.) It worked pretty well for me, I must say, and allowed me to maintain some semblance of a normal life, even while battling cancer.

I'm noticing that in myself right now. I have now gained the ability to speak about what's happening with very little emotion, just plain old matter-of-fact. I can separate myself from it with relative ease. I can deal with it when I want to, but don't have to if I can't. Is this a healthy approach? I dunno. Is it one that will get me through this stint of particular heaviness in my life (heaviness due to more than just this diagnosis, e.g. see previous post)? I think so. So, I guess I'll go with it for now and hope for the best.