My last post-op

It didn't occur to me until later in the day the significance of the fact that, when I left my post-op yesterday morning, I didn't make another appointment. Because there wasn't need for another appointment. Because... I'M DONE.

Of course with cancer you're never really done. There are always follow-up appointments. I will still see someone every three months, and then every six months, and then just once a year. As I walked out of the office, I got that feeling like I had forgotten something, like something was missing. But no, nothing had been forgotten. I just don't need any more treatments.

Wow!

Later that day, I was in the grocery story, and heard the lady in front of me say, "Well, I got new boobs out of it, so I can't complain." I couldn't resist - I struck up a conversation with her. I said I had just had my very last post-op, two weeks out of my last surgery, and I'm feeling good. We swapped some stories, discovered we have the same doctor, then wished each other luck as we parted ways. Again I was left that feeling like I was looking for something that wasn't there. No appointments. No more surgeries. No more pathology. I'm done. I'm really done.

The post-op went well. I had no concerns, and didn't expect it to go badly, but it was better than expected. The PA came in first and took a look and said, "Wow, they are perfect. Good symmetry." She reminded me that I can't exercise yet (torture, as the days finally get more spring-like!), because too much bouncing could cause fluid collection. (Said another way, these gummi bears cannot yet be "bouncing here and there and everywhere...") I can't do anything that gets my blood rate up, for the same reason. This is true for 2-4 more weeks, she said. Argh!

Then Dr. Langstein came in. The first thing he said to me was, "You're a good public speaker." I haven't gotten around to writing a blog about this yet, but I spoke at a survivors event two days after surgery. It was a time to celebrate survivors and share stories, so I stood up there with a few other survivors and for about 8 minutes I talked about my journey with cancer and what my future looks like. Of course I cried through half of it, and so did several other people. I saw my dear husband wipe his eyes at least once - he said hearing the whole journey laid out like that was overwhelming! I did record this talk and plan to share it with you in the form of a slide show, but iPhoto was being persnickety so you'll have to wait. It was fun to speak at this event. I gave a couple shout outs to my congregations for being so loving and wonderful, and mentioned this blog. Several people approached me afterward to ask me about both (!). I saw many familiar faces, and all my doctors were there. We talked with Dr. Skinner and she said she had indeed come to see me after surgery, even tried to get me to wake up, but I was out of it. She made a face with tongue sticking out and eyes rolled back, and I asked if I really looked like that and she insisted I did... and that when she tried to wake me I pulled the sheets over my head. Sounds about right. (Michael laughed and told her I do that when he tries to wake me up, too!)

Anyway, back to my post-op. Dr. Langstein said, "I have studied public speaking, and you are a public speaker. You know how to make people feel." Quite a compliment! Then he, too, took a look at the "new girls" and immediately looked at the PA with a grin and said, "This is our best result!" She agreed. I said I was very pleased with the outcome, and he said, "I'm glad to hear that, because if you weren't pleased I would have to tell you this is the very best I can do." No worries there, I said! I told him about the love letter I wrote about them, and asked if he would like to hear it. He graciously suggested I get dressed first, then they both came back in and listened as I read it.

He was extremely touched. He said they have a book of things like this (positive testimonies), and asked if they could include it. We talked about what he does, what I called a ministry, and he reflected very honestly and humbly on it. He expressed his appreciation for my willingness to be external about my thought process through all this, and I told him how much I have appreciated having him on my team. It was really a lovely conversation. I am so grateful for that man, for his skill and his humility, his kindness and his compassion, his humor and the joy he brings to his work. Truly a gift.

So even though there is no next appointment at Dr. Langstein's office there is the tattoo to think about! The soonest I can do that is the end of July. Maybe Michael and I could get our tattoos as a first anniversary present (Aug 3)? We're both still deciding what we want to do - better get busy!