Sermon: Speaking in love (Sept. 7, 2014)

Pentecost 13A/Lectionary 23

Sept. 7, 2014

Matthew 18:15-20; Romans 13:8-14

            I think I was a teenager when I first learned about the BIBLE acronym. BIBLE, B-I-B-L-E, stands for, “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.” It’s sort of cute, although even then I had some

concerns about reducing the Bible to an instruction book. Instruction manuals, while helpful and often necessary, are not particularly inspiring. Calling the Bible a mere instruction manual doesn’t give the impression that this is the living Word of God.

            Then again, passages like the one we hear today from Matthew do seem to fall into that category of a “basic instruction.” Here Jesus offers a step-by-step process for dealing with someone in the community who has wronged you in some way. Step 1: if someone sins against you, talk to them about it one-on-one. Step 2: If they don’t listen, then bring in some witnesses, so that every word may be confirmed by other people. Step 3: If that still doesn’t work, take it to the church, to the larger community. Step 4: Still no luck? Then let this person be to you like a tax collector or Gentile – in other words, someone who is outside of this community.

            Yes, this passage does sounds like Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth… and maybe that is why my initial reaction to it is not positive. Or maybe the reason it makes me wrinkle my nose is that I know from experience that… it just doesn’t work.

            But why doesn’t it work? If Jesus said it, it must be right, so what’s the problem? Well, there are a few. One problem is we often have these conversations when we are very emotional, and though emotion can be beautiful, they sometimes make it hard to speak or listen in love.

Another important problem is the intention with which this method is often carried out. We humans like to be right, and we have our pride, and so when someone has wronged us, our knee-jerk reaction is to get revenge. To hurt them like they hurt me. To put them in their place. We aim to build

ourselves up, rather than focusing on building each other up. How this often plays out in conversation is that the problem is framed in the form of “you statements” instead of “I statements.” So instead of, “When you did this thing, I felt…” we say, “You did this and this and this, and you’re a terrible person for doing that to me.” The natural response from the person being accused, of course, is not contrition, but rather, self-defense. “I did no such thing!” says the accused. “And even if I did, I only did it because you did this and this and this!” (Anyone have this conversation before?) And everyone leaves the conversation thinking, “Well that was a waste of time,” and the pain and brokenness are not better, but only broader and deeper. Bringing in witnesses seems only to complicate the issue further, and puts people even more on the offensive.

            Bringing up an issue with someone who “sins against you” is certainly touchy business. So if it causes so much strife, and often doesn’t work, then why does Jesus suggest we do it that way?

In short, this surface meaning, the meaning when you simply pluck these verses out of their context, is not consistent with what Jesus likely had in mind. To fully understand what Jesus is urging his Church to do, we have to consider this model from a few steps back. The immediate context of these statements is one of relationship-building and forgiveness. Just before this, Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep – the story in which a shepherd would leave 99 sheep behind in order to restore the

one lost sheep to the community. In other words, God will go to great length to seek restoration of relationship with us. Just after this story we hear another parable about how essential forgiveness is to community, and that we should forgive someone who has wronged us as many as 77 times. It quickly becomes clear that Jesus is offering these suggestions on conflict resolution in order to help restore community, not open it up to further breakdown.

            Taking another step back from the text and looking at where this little lesson appears in the greater narrative, we see that this exchange happens at the end of Jesus’ ministry and teaching, and just as he is about to turn toward Jerusalem and toward his death. That is, he knows that this fledgling church needs these guidelines, as it wouldn’t be long before Jesus was no longer with them in the flesh, and this would show them how to be a community of love together. With these guidelines, the church could be a place in which, as one preacher writes, “leaders serve instead of swagger, where the weak are nourished instead of cast aside, where people who lose their way are not forgotten but sought and restored, where people cultivate mercy and forgiveness as if they were the rare flowers of heaven.” (Thomas Long)

            It is almost as if Jesus anticipated that there would be conflict in this assembly of disciples… because, let’s face it, where two or three are gathered, there… will be disagreements. And so his goal is

not to prevent the inevitable, but rather to set this Christian community apart as one which, when it has conflict, deals with it in a way that builds up the whole community, the whole body of Christ. And this requires some accountability to one another.

            You may have heard about some states requiring police officers to wear cameras on their uniform, as an effort to reduce inappropriate police use-of-force. The results of this experiment have shown police using far less force, and complaints of police brutality have gone down dramatically. That’s not surprising – when we are held accountable to our actions, when we know someone else is watching, we are more likely to be on our best behavior.

            Perhaps that is why Jesus makes this promise at the end: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” Jesus knows that where two or three are gathered, there will be at least that many opinions, and conflict is inevitable. And so he promises his disciples that he will be there with them when that happens, as a part of that conversation.

Michael and I have hanging in our living room a framed calligraphy piece that used to hang in my grandparents’ house. It says, “Christ is the head of this house, the unseen guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation.” If we believe that this is true, that Christ is “the silent listener to

every conversation,” how does that change the way we approach conversations with people who have wronged us?

Suddenly we approach conversations with humility and vulnerability and trust, not with vitriol and an agenda to prove someone wrong. The goal of the conversation is no longer seeking retribution, or changing someone’s behavior, or even seeking an apology. Rather the goal becomes restoring a damaged relationship by speaking truthfully about our pain, taking responsibility for our own feelings and actions (and inviting the other person to do the same), and speaking together about finding a way to move forward. When Christ is present among two or three gathered, the relationship becomes the priority over being right.

Is this truly possible? Can we have such life-giving conversations with each other, putting aside our pride and our desire to be right and other works of darkness, and instead putting on the light and love and humility of Christ? When we can do that, when we can first of all trust that Jesus truly is with us in all our conflicts and brokenness, we can speak truthfully to each other in a way that builds up the whole body of Christ. And then we find that we are living into a Godly reality – a reality in which relationship trumps self-righteousness, forgiveness replaces pain, and brokenness is transformed into restored life.

Let us pray. God, Emmanuel: we all have people in our lives who are not always very easy to get along with, some of whom have hurt us deeply. But we know and trust that you are a God who seeks restoration of relationship, not brokenness. Help us to have conversations that are guided by love and humility, so that we can all seek a society ruled not by hate and division, but peace and love. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.