I have been, over the past few months, digging into the Enneagram (click HERE to learn more), which is a tool for personal and spiritual reflection. I have really enjoyed this deep dive into some of my patterns and the motivations behind them, and learning how I can use prayer and contemplation to overcome some of the less healthy things I do.
I recently listened to an episode on Typology, an enneagram podcast hosted by Ian Morgan Cron, that suggested good holiday gifts for different enneagram types. They cold-called a bunch of people of different types to ask for ideas, funny and serious, then told them afterward they were live on the podcast. It was pretty hilarious, honestly, if you have a basic understanding of the different types. Of course I started wondering how I would answer the question, and found it a pretty fun exercise! So I thought I'd share it here.
Note: although I do have a birthday coming up, I am not posting this in order to get gifts from anyone! I'm actually not that big on gifts (due to wanting less stuff, not more!). But hey, if you want to get me something on this list, I won't stop you. :)
First, a bit about me: I am an enneagram One. This is sometimes called the Perfectionist, but I hate this because I don't consider myself a perfectionist. I want things good, but know perfection is not possible. Sometimes called a Reformer - slightly better. But my favorite name is "Improver," because this hits it. Ones are often trying to make things better, a practice that unfortunately often results in others feeling criticized. But trust me: the standards to which Ones hold themselves are likely far higher than those to which they hold anyone else. They are known for having an "inner critic" that is almost constantly telling them how to do or be better. They long for order, and to get done All The Things, which in turn makes it hard to relax. As long as there is something that needs doing, a One wants to get it done. Ones are also driven by a sense of morality, always wanting to do the Right thing. In health, a One can relax and have fun, and accept the world as it is,...so, that's the goal!
Ok, now the list.
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| Check out this happy One! (This is like, one month before Covid!) |
Example: One year my parents gave us tickets to Orff's Carmina Burana at the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra and it was such fun! Another time, my brother got us tickets to see his good friend star in Jersey Boys, which ended up doubly fun because said friend invited us to a cast party afterward! A gift that forces me to relax and get away from work or home where all I will see is everything that needs to be done is a gift on so many levels.
2) Practical items that are more luxurious, fancy or expensive than I would buy myself. Ones are very practical people, who may long for something really nice, but quickly dismiss it, saying, "That's too expensive. I just can't justify it. I can just get the cheaper one."
Example: For Christmas this past year, I ask my mother-in-law for a set of towels. Whenever we visit her, I love her towels, so soft and luxurious. So I said, "For Christmas, I would love some towels like the ones you have, whatever they are!" And sure enough, she sent some Egyptian cotton towels and I kid you not, I'm so excited to get out of the shower and wrap myself up in one. I feel like I'm at a spa in my own bathroom. It's one of my favorite gifts ever. Even knowing that now, I likely wouldn't buy them for myself, but someone else treating me so I can treat myself is perfect. Another example: My husband often buys me new dresses (he has great taste), saying, "You don't treat yourself, and you like looking pretty, and you look gorgeous in dresses. So I got one for you."
And to be clear, I'm like, really cheap, so even a trip to Starbucks feels luxurious to me. My self talk often goes like, "Hm, I could go for a chai. Ugh, but it's $4 for a small one, and I can make some tea in my office for free. Not worth it." Help me treat myself! I apparently don't think I'm worth a $4 chai, so please, save me from myself!
3) A gift card for someplace or something that is aligned with my values, e.g. for personal care items, my hobbies, or food. This has a little from both #1 and #2 above, in that I am seldom willing to treat myself to something nice, but if someone has already gotten the gift card, I will use it! I will be even more excited to use it if it also takes into account my values. For example, a gift card for a small business (even better, a local one) that sells sustainable bath or kitchen products, or that gives some portion of the proceeds toward supporting kids with cancer and their families, or a restaurant committed to using local, seasonal food provided by local farmers.
Example: My mother-in-law once got me a gift card to a nearby fabric store, a locally owned business. It was generous enough that I didn't have to be stingy in what fabric I chose - I just chose what I loved, and ended up making an adorable backpack for my daughter. I got to support a local business and learn some new skills to enhance one of my hobbies.
4) A gift for someone else. I am always delighted when someone gives a gift to someone who really needs it, in my honor. Knowing someone was thinking of me when they did something to help someone in need fills my heart with joy.
Example: For our wedding, we registered for ELCA Good Gifts, giving people a chance to buy a pig or a goat for a family in need (like Heifer International, if you are familiar). Seriously, every card I opened that included a note that they had done this made me cry. My brother and I have started doing this for Christmas each year, choosing different charities every year that had been meaningful to us that year and we think will be meaningful to each other.
5) Time together and/or a chance to relax. Every birthday and Mother's Day, I tell Michael that all I want is to not be responsible for dinner for a night. I don't want to plan it, or shop for it, or cook it, or clean it. I just want to be waited on, while I read stories to the kids, or even just read my own book. Even better, I want the living room to be in order and clean, so I'm not looking and thinking about what needs doing. My best celebration is an evening of peace and nothing I have to do. If someone gifted me a house-cleaning, I would be over the moon. Add to that dinner (and of course a correct loading of the dishwasher - Ones are really big on how a dishwasher ought to be loaded!), and I'm in heaven!
So there it is: a list of gifts I would be delighted to receive, that would bring me great joy.
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