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Pentecost 19B
October 3, 2021
Genesis 2:18-24, Mark 10:2-16
INTRODUCTION
Today’s texts are a doozie: Jesus tackles marriage and divorce. The Genesis and the Mark texts have been used to cause a lot of pain for Christians over the centuries, keeping people in abusive marriages, shaming people for getting divorced, limiting gender identity and marriage equality. In short, they have been used to bring about hate and rejection of other children of God, rather than love and compassion.
As you listen to them today, as well as the beautiful texts from Psalms and Hebrews celebrating creation and God’s marvelous power, try to hear not only the centuries of pain, but also the beauty in them. For even as they remind us of human brokenness, they also paint a picture of how human relationship can be. Let’s listen.
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Grace to you and peace from God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
When I was a new pastor in my first call, a parishioner approached me and said, “You know that text in the Gospel about divorce?” “Yeah,” I answered, already worried. “Well,” she said, “last time it came up, I was newly divorced, and the preacher that day made me so mad and hurt by what he said that I got up and left in the middle of the sermon. So… I’ll be interested to hear what you have to say about it.” Gulp. No pressure, pastor!
Truth is, it is a difficult text, on a topic that affects every single person here today, whether directly or through someone you know and love. So, what are we to do with a text like this, in a society in which half of marriages end in divorce, and in which the pandemic has been especially difficult on marriages?
Well, the first thing to understand is that this exchange is spoken into a very different system and institution than what we currently live in. Marriage in the first century was more about economics and lineage, while today in western cultures at least, it is more about seeking mutual fulfillment with a loving partner. Observing that is not to give this passage more or less credibility, but is just to say that in some ways we are dealing with apples and oranges here.
Still, we should take Jesus’ words seriously, especially because both this text and the Genesis text it is paired with have caused so much pain to generations of Christians. We really need to wrestle with it. So let us use this as an opportunity to think spiritually about marriage, divorce, and more generally, covenantal partnership.
For that, let’s start with the Genesis text. Often people get stuck in this text on the genders of the two humans, using this text to justify heteronormative partnership, male dominance, and the existence of only two, clear-cut genders. More important, though, than the gendered words used here, is this: that the first human was lonely, and the second human was made to be a “fitting partner” for the first human. After a whole chapter of God saying creation was “good,” now God has seen that it is not good for the human to be alone. After a period of trial-and-error, bringing various animals to the human, God finally resorts to making another human literally out of the same stuff as the first human, taking it out of adam’s side. Adam is delighted with the result. “At last!” he exclaims. “Finally, a partner who is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” Humans from then on would leave their families of origin to find again that partner, that other being who is made of the same stuff and complements them, so that their flesh would be reunited, not to be separated again.
It’s a marvelous dream, isn’t it? The possibility that there is someone out there who is a fitting partner who, bound in covenantal marriage, becomes one flesh with you, never again to be separated. With this partner you become, like those first humans, a community characterized by complete empathy and mutuality, a model of equality and nurture. And maybe it would have worked… if not for that sneaky snake, the enticing fruit, and the sin and brokenness that would follow. As Adam and Eve broke through the skin of that fruit, so also broke the ability to live in this perfect covenant. As they sewed together those fig leaves, their hearts were hardened. Their freewill had led to their downfall. Today, the difficulty and pain of human relationship is all too familiar to us.
Enter Jesus and the Pharisees’ trap. Notice they make divorce into a legal question – “is it lawful?” they ask. But we know today that while the legal issues around divorce are expensive and difficult, especially in New York state, it is not the legal aspect that is most painful. Much more than who gets the house or even who gets custody over the kids, the deep and lasting concern for us today is the spiritual and emotional impact of the experience on us and those involved, the brokenness and perhaps shame we feel, the pain we must endure.
Jesus is also concerned about that spiritual brokenness. Notice how when the Pharisees ask him their legalistic question, Jesus turns it into a spiritual one, referring to the text from Genesis, thus harkening God’s dream for a “fitting” partnership between humans, marked by mutuality, tenderness, devotion, compassion, and care. That is the intention for marriage.
In fact, at its best, marriage can mirror our covenantal relationship with God, which is also marked by those same qualities – tenderness, compassion, devotion and care. That is what happens in our baptism, when God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, brings us into the dance of the Trinity, the relationship of the One-in-Three and Three-in-One, and makes us a part of the one Body of Christ. In our baptism, God makes a covenant with us, just as God has made covenants with God’s people all throughout time. God makes a promise, a covenant, a vow, to be with us always, to the end of the earth, to love us always, to forgive us always. God promises in our baptism to have and to hold us, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. This is God’s solemn vow to us.
So the gift of the marriage covenant, in this way, is one deeply profound way for us to experience in an earthly relationship the covenant that God has made with us. In marriage, we make a promise to someone, to have them and hold them, for better, for worse, in sickness and health, for rich or poor, until death parts us. And in making that promise to another human, we have the chance to more deeply understand what a Big Deal it is that God makes that promise to us! Because anyone who has been married longer than 2 minutes can tell you that marriage is really hard, that we (and our partner!) are not always loveable, that our hardness of heart is often showing. And yet God loves us anyway. Ideally, our “fitting partner” can say the same, loving us and committing to us even when our hearts are hard, and our words are harsh, when we are sick in body or mind, when we are poor in spirit or money, when we are at our best, or at our worst.
God wants that sort of depth of relationship for us. Covenant is God’s intention for humanity. That is made very clear throughout the witness of the Old Testament, starting with what we heard in Genesis a moment ago. “It is not good for the human to be alone,” God observes, and so God provides a companion, a relationship, for that first human. That is what God wants for us: for us not to be alone, and for us to be in relationship with one another.
Marriage isn’t the only way to experience God’s desire for relationship and community, of course. We may experience it in our families of origin, or with our spouse, children, nieces, or nephews. We may experience it through friendship. We certainly can experience it here in the church. As I said, God assured us of that in our baptism, and we experience it every time we come forward to this table, like grains of wheat once scattered on a hill, now come together to become one bread. Whatever way you look at it, our God is one who desires community for us and with us.
And so, our God is grieved when that community, or relationship, or covenant, is broken – when there is conflict in the church, when families refuse to speak, when marriages fall apart. Just like God is grieved when our relationship with God is broken. And we do have a history of breaking God’s covenant! You can read all about that too throughout the Old Testament, not to mention the entire history of Christianity since that babe was born in Bethlehem. We fallen human beings are not all that great at keeping covenants. Relationships are a great gift, and marriage can be one of the greatest gifts of all, but they can also be terribly hard to maintain. They can turn destructive, even dangerous. Sometimes they do need to end, because that very relationship that would have brought us life is instead a barrier to the life that God desires for us. Covenants do sometimes get broken, and even though it does grieve God, it is also sometimes necessary to bring about future life.
But here’s the good news: even as we endure the pain that comes with a broken relationship, we can rest secure in knowing that even when our covenants fail, God’s never does. When we fail at our vows, God’s gracious vow to keep us in this holy family called the church will still stand, will still hold us upright. And while breaking the covenant of marriage, or any covenant, is not God’s hope or intention for us, it is also not unforgivable. Despite whatever brokenness we manage to participate in, God’s grace always manages to wiggle its way into the cracks and work a new thing. Our sin, our shortcomings, our propensity to see other’s faults before recognizing our own… none of that is too big for our God, who promises us in our baptism, and every day since then, and every time we come to this table, that we are beautiful, loved, and forgiven children of God, and that nothing can ever change that. Thanks be to God!
Let us pray… God of the Covenant, you desire community for us, and your heart is as grieved as ours when our relationships are broken. Grant us endurance to persevere in your vision for humanity, and wisdom to know when a relationship is keeping us from the life you desire for us. Heal and soften our hardened hearts. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
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