Here we are - 2013! There are a lot of things to anticipate this year - not the least of which is getting married, hopefully buying a house, celebrating my dad's retirement - but even as I look forward to those things, I also want to reflect back on 2012.
In my professional life, I had a lot of firsts. While I did one or two funerals in 2011, I had a slew of them in 2012. In fact, I had 4 in the course of a month, which also happened to be the month I began testing for what turned out to be cancer. But in the process, I also learned to love doing funerals. To be with a family in this most tender time, even to sit by the bedside of their loved one in his or her last moments, and in the midst of that, to get to preach the hope of the resurrection! What a gift that is.
I also had my first Holy Week as a pastor. I have always loved Holy Week, but was concerned about how I would experience it as a pastor. When I think back on what actually happened, I remember being extremely stressed and crying a few times, but to be honest, my general reflection on the experience is positive. I remember it being very meaningful. I don't remember being exhausted.
And I had my first non-family weddings. So far, I don't have any crazy wedding stories, although at one of them, one of the groomsman audibly farted during the vows. (Bride wasn't happy, but kept composure.) Also, one of the wedding rehearsals was mere hours after I first heard that word, "carcinoma," so that was an excellent exercise in compartmentalizing.
Personally, I made a whole lot of new friends, and really came to call Rochester "home." I had a couple get-togethers where I realized there were more people I wanted to invite than I had space for in my house, which was actually a pretty good feeling. I have several people I could call to cry on their shoulder, vent to, ask for a ride to the airport, etc. What a blessing.
Family-wise, I got to go to China to see my brother and sister-in-law celebrate their marriage for the third time, in my sister-in-law's hometown of Yangzhou. I've been to China before, but this was of course a much different experience. Short, but chock full of love and memories.
Future-family-wise, I got engaged!
Honestly, with as many things that happened this year, it is hard to remember anything except these last 4-5 months, because they were just so intense. In the course of a couple months, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, got engaged, and got a dog. BAM BAM BAM. I'm honestly still processing all of this. Cancer seems like an uncomfortable dream I can barely remember, except for when I see my scars in the mirror, and the other few times when it all comes rushing back to me and I start crying for what seems like no particular reason. Being engaged seems at once obvious and completely unreal (especially because we can't seem to find a date that works for everyone, so planning is not really happening yet). But all of these things together has certainly caused a shift in both my personal and professional life. It's impossible to preach without these things in my mind. I have connected with people more deeply. As always happens with major life things like this, my perspective on things has been altered, though I couldn't at this point define quite how, at least not in a general way. (I suppose you can read past posts in this blog and discern the particular ways for yourself.)
As I move forward into 2013... I guess I do so feeling more grounded, more mature, more articulate, more equipped, more directed. All good things, not all a result of cancer, but a result of all of these events and experiences of 2012. I am grateful.
I'm normally not into New Year's Resolutions because they are so often broken. So here are a couple goals for 2013, which I hope will extend beyond that:
1) Exercise more. Getting Klaus was a step in this direction, but now that the snow is here, he is less interested in walking. I will make him, or I will go it alone.
2) Read more. I have SO many books I want to read, most of which have to do with my job (practical theology, especially). I want some part of my work schedule to include time to read these books, because I know this will deepen my perspective as a pastor and as a person.
3) Floss more. This is an example of a resolution I make every year. I'm trying again.
4) Continuing trying to eat healthily and intentionally. This has always been a goal of mine, but now I am especially aware of dietary choices that will help decrease my risk of breast cancer returning.
5) Plan a wedding, move into a new home, and start a successful life and family with the man I love. Practice forgiveness and compromise. Remember to say, "Please," "Thank you," and when necessary, "I was wrong, please forgive me."
That's probably enough. Here's to growth, to perseverance, to health, and to love! Happy New Year!
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