Seeking clarity with the Angel Michael

Yesterday was a tough day, as you can see from the blog I posted but then didn't even want to share with anyone.

But someone must have read it anyway and said a really good prayer, because God came to the rescue in the form of my dear, sweet husband. We had a good talk last night. And after listening to my fears and anxieties, and letting me soak his chest with my tears, he reminded me and made very clear to me that I am not getting rid of my other breast so we can have children. It would need to go either way. He reminded me that they found invasive cancer in my left breast, and it was undetected until it was under a microscope. Invasive cancer, he reminded me, is the stuff that kills you. I could wait to have my breast removed, but I could be dead in nine months. Gambling with my life is not what we want to do. Keeping me healthy and cancer free for as long as we can is the most important thing here, and that is what we are doing on October 15. (And there IS joy in that!)

Speaking to my other fears, my sweet man reminded me that whatever happens, we will do it together. We've proven to be pretty good at holding each other up and getting through tough times together. And we will continue to be so. He reminded me of this several times during the course of the night and the next morning. He is such a good man.

In response to my inability to find peace about all this, he also gave me a prayer homework assignment. I was to think of four things I want to pray about, four things I'm seeking, and put them on one of my beloved lists. In the next days, he said, I am to meditate on these things, a few moments each day. And, he added, close this time with The Lord's Prayer, because "it's a good prayer. I like it." (Once a Catholic boy, always a Catholic boy, he said! I told him Luther was on board with that, too.)

I did it this morning. I'm already feeling a little better. Not a lot, but a little. So simple to do... I just needed someone to whip me into shape and tell me to do it! Wallowing in your own sadness, it can be difficult to remember on your own. What a blessing for this pastor to be married to someone who can also be my pastor.