Why I want to go natural

Of course, when one is pregnant, one gets all kinds of advice from people. Sometimes it is truly appreciated; sometimes I just nod and smile and say thank you (people give some weird advice...). Among the advice I've received is regarding whether or not to use drugs during labor. This is something I have thought and done a lot of research, about and while I appreciate people imparting the wisdom of experience on me (and have taken it into account), it turns out I have pretty strong feelings about this particular aspect already. (Though I know plans sometimes need to change, don't worry!)

If it is possible, I would really like to do this as naturally and drug-free as possible. This may not surprise you, what with all my recent attempts to clean and eat and live with more natural resources and fewer chemicals. But it goes deeper than my just being crunchy.

Part of it is practical - I want to be able to move around. I can't imagine laboring all that time stuck in a bed because my legs are numb. No thanks. I've also heard that the risk of things like postpartum depression are less with a natural birth. Bring it.

But my number one reason for wanting to do this naturally is this: I have had so many medical experiences in my life, and I don't want labor and delivery to be another one. My body has several times now grown something wrong, something harmful, and now it is doing something right. I want to celebrate that, not numb it. I have felt the pain of treatments and surgery, but now I will feel a pain that is productive, that ends with life. (This is a major reason we have a doula - to help us know how to let my body, with Michael's aid, naturally help with the pain.)

I don't want to experience the domino effect of drugs, where you need another and another drug to treat the symptoms of the previous drugs. I want to walk and move and help my body prepare to let a child come through. I want the chemical/hormonal explosion that happens during childbirth to be a natural one, not a synthetic one I receive through an IV.

Call me crazy, but I want to feel connected to both the elation and the pain. The thought of not being able to feel my body doing what it was built to do, to be in a way disconnected from that, is eerie to me. There are some parts of motherhood I will not be able to feel or experience, but the act of bringing my child into the world is something that cancer has not taken from me, and I don't want drugs to take it from me either. Pain or not (and I know, this will be more pain than not!), I want that experience. I have dreamt of this my whole life, and I want to experience it as fully as I can. I want to see and feel my body do this amazing thing - bring life into the world!

When I think about it, I actually get a little excited (also, terrified). Just thinking about it makes me feel like a warrior, like an amazing, strong person who can do anything. I feel empowered. And after feeling at the mercy of cancer, that is pretty darn cool.

Now if Grace would just come along (40 weeks and one day...), we can see how this goes!