November 11, 2016
My dear daughter,
Before you were born, your dad and I talked a lot about
things we wanted to teach you, things especially that we wanted to teach you as
our daughter. This week, in the wake of Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton
for the presidency, I feel compelled to write them down for you, so that you
will never, ever forget.
1)
You are loved. This is hands down
the most important thing for you to know. Your dad and I love you
2)
You are valued, not for what you do,
but for who you are. We also love and value some of the things you do – you
are, by and large, delightful (as I write this, you are reading a book aloud to
us in the most adorable and dynamic baby dialect) – but at the end of the day,
we value you simply because you are Grace, and Grace has so much to offer, and
though what you have to offer will change, our value of you never will.
3)
Everyone else is also to be valued and
respected. We think you’re pretty great, but the good news is, everyone
on this earth has something important and valuable to offer the world, too. And
so we want you to learn to value and respect these people, too. Sometimes this
looks like simply smiling and saying hello. Sometimes it means praying for
their well-being. Sometimes it means taking the time to hear their story, their
struggles, and what brings them joy. More often than not, I find I am a better
person for having heard the stories of people who are different from me.
4)
Kindness goes a long way. It’s easy
to be kind to people you know and like. But we hope you will be kind even to
people you don’t know and like. Ask the grocery store clerk how her day is
going. Hold the door for someone. Sit with someone who is lonely at lunch.
Smile at someone who looks different from you. Pay the toll of the person
behind you on the thruway, or for someone else’s coffee. Ask someone who is
looking sad if they would like to talk. A little kindness goes a long way, and
it is far more important to be kind than to be right.
5)
It’s okay to be smart, capable, and
assertive. As a girl or a woman, you may encounter people who think it
is most important for you to be pretty, or sweet, or even to act dumb. Don’t listen to them. Never stop learning.
Never stop trying new things. Never stop singing your song. Never stop
striving, even when someone else gets what you wanted. And above all, never let
anyone tell you that you are somehow less valued because you are a woman. Being
a woman is an incredible thing, and one that should never keep you from
pursuing good in the world.
6)
It’s okay to say “no,” especially about your body. If someone asks you to do something
you are not comfortable with, it is okay to say no. Your body is yours, and no
one gets to decide how to treat it, or what to put in it, but you.
7)
Love one another. This is something
that Jesus says many times, but it is also the basic tenet of every major world
religion. Sometimes loving one another is easy. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes
it looks just like people expect it to – like, kindness, and giving people what
they want, and helping them. Sometimes love looks different than you might
expect – like, being respectfully honest, or holding people accountable, or
speaking truth to power on behalf of the disadvantaged or disenfranchised, or
going against the majority to do what you know is right. Loving one person or
group of people does not always look or feel loving to another person or group.
Sometimes it is hard to discern what is the most loving action, but here are
some hints: Love puts the other first. Love means building bridges, not walls,
because love is connection – with God and with one another – not separation.
Love is showing up, and being present. Love is seeing the beauty in another
person, and celebrating it in whatever way you can.
My dear Grace, I pray that you will
always know these things, that you will always be driven by hope, love, and
possibility, never by fear or despair. And I pray that knowing these things
will compel you always to seek good in the world, but also to seek to make the
world even better, by sharing your own beautiful spirit and strength with
whatever challenge or opportunity you encounter. You, my daughter, have the
power to change the world, and don’t you forget it.
I want to end this particular
letter with some words from Secretary Clinton’s classy concession speech, which
I listened to with tears running down my face as I thought about you: “Never
stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it. It is, it’s worth
it! . . . And to all the little girls…, never doubt that you are valuable and
powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue
and achieve your own dreams.” May it be so for you, my daughter. I love you so
much.
Your
proud Mama
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