Now that I've recovered a bit from the whip lash of my last appointment, I've done a little more processing, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself because I've done some things to really take care of myself. (Several people have said, "Good for you! You're taking such good care of yourself!") Here's some:
1) Michael and I FINALLY had a chance to talk about things, next steps, how we're feeling about all this, etc. It's all been so overwhelming, it has almost been as if the time we're together, we just want to soak up the happiness of being together, not spend that time talking about icky things. But the lack of mutual processing was really wearing on both of us. So we have talked, and some of these other things are a result of that.
2) I started going to counseling. Both of us, actually, are going to separate counselors, which I hope will allow us to enjoy our time together more, because we won't be each other's primary outlet. My counselor is one I found through a Christian counseling center nearby, and this particular counselor specializes in counseling pastors. So far I've only had the initial tell-your-whole-story-in-50-minutes session, but I got a good vibe from her. And, Michael was happy to know she had a photo of a collie on her shelf. (He's a collie guy - he's had them nearly constantly for the past 35 years.)
3) I have made an appointment with the fertility clinic to talk about our options for family planning, determine what effect my Hodgkin's treatments may have had on my fertility, etc.
4) I have taken steps to set up an appointment with Dana Farber Cancer Institute, with their special center for young women with breast cancer. (Unfortunately, I think they might call back while I'm in surgery on Monday... Michael will have to answer!)
5) Speaking of dogs (see #2)... I'm getting one. :) Why, you ask, would I get a dog when my life is already so complicated and overwhelming? Here's why: Everyone knows exercise is good for your health. Turns out it is essential for breast cancer survivors. A study showed that women who exercised as little as an hour a week decreased their risk of recurrence by 20%; for 3-5 hours of exercise, it was as much as 50%! I know it's important to exercise, but I lack motivation, even with statistics like these. Well, with a little pooch needing to go out, I am much more inclined to get out and move myself! So my primary reason for adding a doggie to the family (besides the company) is that a dog will force me to exercise.
So into my life trotted little Klaus, the dachshund. I never imagined I was a dachshund person, but there is a young guy named Phil and his family who just took his first call as a pastor in Vermont, and they can't find housing that allows for pets. They needed to find him a home, and fast! After hearing a bit about him, he sounded like a perfect dog for me, possessing all of the traits I would desire in a dog. He is 8 years old, he is a lap dog and a cuddler (so we get pet therapy out of the deal!), he's small for my little apartment, he doesn't shed or bark too much, he only chews his toys, he likes kids, he readily offers kisses, he loves car rides and is adaptable so he would happily go with me to Michael's house or wherever (he's even small enough to fly on a plane!), he's low-key enough and sweet enough to go with me to work and has ministry dog potential, I can wash him in my kitchen sink... When I met him, he came right over and put his little paws on my shins and gave me kisses. He looked me right in the eye. He's got just enough funny little quirks to have a distinct personality, but not enough to be neurotic. I'm already madly in love with him. He's going to come live with me starting on Wednesday, when I am hopefully recovered enough from surgery to care for him, but still staying home all day so we get some good bonding time. I think it is awfully appropriate that this Lutheran pastor is acquiring this little German dog on Reformation Day (Oct. 31). Plus, if I'm gonna change my name to something as German as Johanna Rehbaum, I ought to have a dog named Klaus to sweeten the deal. Huzzah, it's meant to be!
So overall, things are looking up. I feel more joyful and less tired than I was at this time last week. I have solid next steps in place that I feel good about. Monday I will have re-excision surgery, which should be even less of a deal than the first one, so I'm not at all anxious about it. And when it's done, I should be done with treatments, at least for the time being! Yay!
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