When Michael first proposed to me, I yelled at him. "You weren't supposed to do this this weekend! I said I couldn't make any major life decisions right now!" (But then I said yes, of course.) When I told my parents, they said, "I thought you weren't going to make any major life decisions right now." Yeah, I did say that. That was really wise and responsible of me to say. Focus on your health, Johanna. One major life event at a time. Don't stress yourself out.
But timing for important things is so seldom what you expect it to be. And here is what I've noticed. Even though I have never thought I would die from this cancer (not even remotely - it's 100% treatable for goodness' sake!), there is always, associated with "the C-word," this sense of, "My life is over." At least, my life as I know it. I will never go back to a time without these scars, these risk factors, these fears... (though also these relationships, and this wisdom. It's not all bad!) My life will indeed never be the same, in an even bigger way than normal.
So in the midst of all that "my life is over" stuff, what a blessing it has turned out to be to have something else in my life that is all about my future. My positive future. My exciting future. My positive, exciting future with someone I adore. I don't only have strenuous treatments, quarterly check-ups at the doctor for the next three years, and the fairly decent possibility of this coming back sometime in the next 20 years to look forward to. I also have pretty dresses, grand celebrations, promise-making, family starting, and a wonderful life of partnership to look forward to. That's definitely something to get out of bed for in the morning!
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