We're not here to PUMP you up.

Today was my next appointment with the plastic surgeon. I had sort of freaked myself out about it, and went with some trepidation. I even asked a friend to come with me to comfort me. Why so scared? Because today was the day I was going to get expanded the rest of the way, to 100% of my previous breast size (I'm still at 80%). I have heard this process can be excruciatingly painful. I had thought it was from the skin stretching, but in hindsight, this makes no sense - my skin doesn't have any feeling in it. But after doing some reading, I learned it is actually because the muscle under which the adjustable implant is placed is getting stretched. It's already still a bit tight, so yes, I can see why this might hurt.

But really, the reason I was scared was because this would be something to which I had nothing to compare. "Well, the last time I had my boob inflated..." No. Nothing in my experience could relate and prepare me for this.

So I psyched myself up. I pictured the appointment going something like this:

(You don't need to watch that whole thing... the first half is plenty.)

So after all that, I was sort of disappointed when the resident said they didn't need to inflate me today. What? He tried to explain, but I was having trouble understanding. He went to get Dr. Langstein. In short, here is the deal:

As we know, I have to have another mastectomy (well, I don't HAVE to, Dr. Langstein said, but that doesn't really seem like a very good option at this point). Also, there will be another surgery if/when I swap out what I currently have - a saline-filled long-term adjustable implant - with silicone, which will look and feel nicer. I asked what will require the least number of surgeries, and that would be to do the right mastectomy, and when that side is expanded fully, swap both sides out at once for silicone. (This is a short, outpatient procedure, maybe an hour, but I do believe I will be asleep for it.)

So with that in mind, both Dr. Langstein and Dr. Myers, the resident, felt it made more sense to wait on expansion until after the next mastectomy. This first one, we were lucky enough to inflate me 80% at the time of the surgery. There are no guarantees that we will be so lucky with the other one (though there is no reason to believe we won't be). So say we go ahead and expand the left side to 100% right now, and then they can only expand the right 60% - then I'm looking pretty lopsided. If I leave the right at 80%, then it's more likely to look similar right off the bat, and we can expand both at the same rate, and when both are the size I want, I can swap them both out for silicone at the same time.

Dr. Langstein said, "The most important thing is fitting you in that wedding dress! So, how do you want to look on your wedding day?" I said, "Gorgeous? Radiant? Glowing?" He smiled and said he was sure I would, but he could only manage the breasts, and get them to the right size. "I can't bring an expansion kit to the wedding and make last minute adjustments," he said, a twinkle in his eye. I said it was in California, so I wouldn't expect that, to which the resident replied, "In that case, I'd be willing to fly out there and do that!" Dr. Langstein said he could call in a favor, then he pretended to be talking into a walkie-talkie: "I have an expansion emergency I need you to tend to at a wedding. I need back up. Over." I love them. :)

So, after all this, I did not get pumped up. No Hans or Franz. No pain, and no gain. But no one can tell, to look at me (except I can tell). I will try on the dress and make sure it fits, and if I need expanding I will go back and do that, but I very smartly did not purchase a dress that requires a certain boob size to hold it up, so I'm sure it will be fine, with an insert or nothing. As long as I can zip it up, we good! (Although it would seem that despite next to no exercise and abundant church meals every day, I have lost about 5 pounds in this ordeal... so I'm hoping it really does fit!)