Sermon: "Theo and Phyllis Gettin' Married" (June 30, 2013)

Pentecost 6C

Luke 9:51-62

Galatians 5:1, 13-25

Some facts to help you understand the sermon metaphor:

·      “Sophia” is Greek for “wisdom,” and in Scripture refers to the Holy Spirit.

·      Luke’s Gospel is addressed to “Theophilus,” which means, “lover of God.”

·      Scripture is replete with wedding imagery, including Revelation, which refers to Christ as the bridegroom and the church as the one betrothed to Christ.

Pr. Sophia [to congregation]: Hello! Grace to you and peace from God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. I’m so glad you are able to be here with us today. I’m Pastor Sophia, and I wanted to give you a little background about the meeting you’ll be listening in on today. I’ve been meeting with this couple who are preparing to marry, Theo and Phyllis, doing a little premarital counseling, if you will. Usually I meet with both members of the couple together, but in past sessions, some concerns have come up for Phyllis, so I suggested we meet one-on-one so we can discuss them.

Phyllis knocks.

Oh, there she is now! Come in!

(Overlapping “Hi”s)

Phyllis: Sorry I’m a few minutes late.  Theo and I were across town doing registry stuff. He wanted to register at that store, “Fruits of the Spirit.”  Have you ever been there?

Pr. Sophia: Oh yes!  The guy who does their marketing, Paul, is a friend of mine!

They have a moment of shared enthusiasm:  “Omigosh, Paul, the kind of bald guy with the tuft thing, “ “Yeah, always has a pen on him,” “Oh he seemed so nice..and kind of confusing!” (overlapping)  “Yeah, that sounds right...”  (Simultaneous sigh.)

Ah that’s great. But let’s get started.  I’m so glad we are able to meet today. Please, have a seat. Phyllis sits. Let’s begin with prayer. Gracious God, bless this conversation, and may your Spirit guide us in this time of discernment. Amen.

Phyllis: Thanks, Pastor.

Pr. Sophia: Ok, so last time we met, some concerns came up for you about what you’re giving up in order to marry Theo.  

Phyllis: Yeah, uh... This whole marriage thing is kind of a lot to take in!

Pr. Sophia: Very truly I tell you, it sure is.

Phyllis: I mean, when Theo first asked me, marriage seemed like such a good idea. It’s just...I’m not sure I’m ready to leave behind my life.

PS: Hm. Okay. Can you say more about that?

Phyllis:  I always pictured settling down somewhere, you know? A nice little house with the gardens and the curtains, maybe in West Irondequoit....that's been my dream for a long time. But as you know, Theo’s work requires him to move around a lot. At first I thought I was ok with giving up that dream, but lately it's all I can think about. The other day I was driving, and this fox darted across the road in front of my car, and even as I was swerving so I didn’t hit her, there was this thought: even that fox has a place to lay her head. Why can’t I have that too?  

PS:  I can see how marrying Theo and following him in his work might make you feel a sort of... homelessness. I mean, even birds have their nests!

Phyllis:  Right?! Also, I’ve been thinking about how my dad hasn’t been doing too well lately with his heart problems. I’m really worried that one day, my parents are going to need to me, and I won’t be there for them.

PS: I can see why that would concern you. And family is very important... It sounds like you have a lot of future hopes and dreams that you’re not ready to compromise.

Phyllis: I do. And to be honest, it’s not just future stuff I'm thinking about, it's now stuff too. Like, I’m used to waking up at a certain time, hanging out with certain people, spending my money a certain way... And pastor, Theo does all those things really differently. Like, he’s always wanting to give money and things away--like, he keeps bugging me to get rid of extra coats--and he invites over these strange people all the time!  Like, some of the people involved in that IRS scandal!  And these women...they're a little sketchy, if you know what I mean...

PS:  I see. Sounds like following Theo in his work is going to be a big life change for you in a lot of ways, and you’re worried that life with Theo will require you to sacrifice more than you are ready to.

Phyllis: That's exactly it! Theo's asking me to sacrifice so much, and the relationship is starting to feel out of balance.

PS: Well... yes, but Theo has also sacrificed quite a bit for you, you know. He is Christ, after all.

Phyllis:  I know, I know he is. And I’m trying to be the best darn church that I can. But maybe it's too hard to do what he's asking.

PS:  No one ever said that being the Bride of Christ was a vocation for the weak. But don’t be so hard on yourself. This is not something that can just suddenly happen. It is something you have to work toward. Relationships are hard. And this is a big life commitment, not to be taken lightly.  

Phyllis: I guess... I just didn’t expect it to be THIS much work.

PS: Yeah, I know. Maybe this will help. In my work with people preparing to marry, I have found there are really three big tasks to work toward: blessing, leaving, and cleaving. The blessing has been going on for a while already, as you have gotten to know each other. Can you think of ways that preparing for this commitment to Theo has already been a blessing?

Phyllis: Well, actually...even the things I was talking about to you before...how Theo likes to give everything away--well, that commitment to figuring out what sorts of things I really need in my life, and sharing what I have with the less fortunate, gives a meaning and shape to life that I didn’t have in the same way before I met Theo. Getting rid of extra stuff has made me feel...freer. Does that make sense?

PS:  Yes, absolutely.  “For freedom Christ has set you free.”  But you know, my friend Paul - that guy who does marketing at the “Fruits of the Spirit” store - he likes to say that Christ didn’t set us free for self-indulgence.  He set us free for service to one another.  

Phyllis:  No offense, pastor, but... That doesn’t really make any sense. Being set free sounds great.  Being set free for service sounds almost harder than being in chains. Who wants to be free, only to be … chained to the needs of someone else?

PS:  Interesting. What makes you feel like you are chained to something or someone else?

Phyllis: Wanting to be a good person for Theo! But I'm starting to realize: being a good person?  Not so hard.  But trying to be the kind of person Theo wants me to be?  This radically self-giving, hands-on-the-plow, ain’t-looking-back, love-your-neighbor-as-yourself person?  That’s hard. And freedom shouldn’t be so hard!

PS:  Aha. So how should freedom be?

Phyllis: Well, my answer for that is changing! Before I met Theo, when I heard the word “freedom,” I thought about all the rights I have. You know, life, liberty, pursuit of happiness kind of rights. But when I hear Theo talk about freedom, it seems like that means giving up some of my personal rights, stuff I deserve.

PS: That’s very interesting. Can you give me an example?

Phyllis: Like...[thinks] I have a right to spend my money however I want, right, because I earned it and it’s mine. But Theo likes to talk about people who are hungry, who can’t even afford to buy food for their children! So then I start to wonder... if I could maybe buy fewer shoes, or eat out less, then that money could go instead to feeding some of those people, then I would still be exercising my freedom, but it would be serving someone else, not myself.

PS: It sounds like your cultural context is telling you a very different way to live than you are hearing from Theo. Theo is very counter-cultural! But I also hear you recognizing the blessings as well as the difficulties.

Phyllis: So maybe it’s the leaving and cleaving you talked about that I’m struggling with?

PS: Ah, okay. So let’s talk more about those. They sort of go together - you leave in order to cleave. You have to leave some of those familiarities behind in order to really cleave to Theo. That means some of your relationships might change - relationships with your family, your co-workers, your friends. And that can be hard, definitely. But it can also be so joyful, because cleaving to Theo is something that will bring you so much love and joy and peace in your life!

Phyllis:  Pastor, I don't doubt the love and the peace and the joy...I doubt whether I can really cleave to Theo! Seriously, I open my copy of the Bible and I see Luke 9 and the costs of being a disciple, and how even Theo’s earliest compadres didn’t really understand what it was like to be his friend, how THEY kept getting it wrong, doing dumb stuff like trying to bring down fires on entire towns... if the apostles got it so wrong, how am I supposed to get it right?  

PS: Well, the good news about being the Bride of Christ is that he already knows you might fall short sometimes and do foolish things. Finding blessings - that is much easier, even fun! But he knows leaving the physical and emotional comforts of your familiar life is difficult, perhaps the most difficult task of all. But even though you can’t do it, Christ can and does.  In that very part of Luke you’re talking about, what does your beloved do when his friends get it wrong?  He keeps his face set toward Jerusalem. He stays committed to the relationship, committed to the mission he was sent to do.

Phyllis: That's really good news.

PS: Then why don't you sound happier, Phyllis?

Phyllis:  It's just so hard to believe that Theo won't ever get tired of my falling short. I’m really afraid that...someday he'll have had enough of my mistakes, and he'll stop loving me.

PS: Do you really believe that, Phyllis? That he would go through everything he has gone through for you already... just to drop you as soon as you make a mistake? As soon as you waver just a little bit?

Phyllis: Well...yes.  Like, after everything he’s gone through for me, shouldn’t the least he gets in return be a church who can live up to his expectations?  And when I can’t, wouldn’t he have every reason to walk away?

PS: Every reason, yes... but he’s not a particularly reasonable person, is he?

Phyllis: Good point.

PS:  Against reason, Theo--let me call him Christ--died for people who rejected him, who did absolutely everything they could to convince him that all the love he’d shown for them had gone to waste. And he went to the cross still loving them, and asking his Father to forgive them for everything they had done. And you know something, Phyllis? As a living metaphor for the Holy Spirit, I can personally vouch for the fact that Theo repeats that line every time the church fails to live up to his love.

Phyllis: Every time?

PS: Every time.

Phyllis: Wow… The weird dinner guests don't seem like such a big deal now.

PS: He’s pretty amazing, that bridegroom of yours!  So, where are your thoughts now?

Phyllis: Still sort of torn, to be honest. I mean, I love Theo with all my heart. I know following him, marrying him, will not be easy. I know it will come with struggles. And that is not something I am taking lightly. But...I think I can take on the leaving and cleaving. Pastor Sophia, I just really want to spend my life with this guy!

PS: I’m so happy to hear that, Phyllis.

Phyllis: Now, my father-in-law... HE is a tough nut to crack.

PS: Let’s save that for another session, Phyllis.  Shall we pray?

Phyllis:  Yes, please.

PS:  I’ll begin, and then I’ll leave some space for you. That work?

Phyllis: Yeah.

PS: Lord Jesus Christ, we know that following and committing to you can be very difficult - even as the rewards are beyond our comprehension. Grant us the courage to follow you anyway, trusting that you will lead us safely. I pray this day especially for Phyllis, who is weighing some of the challenges of committing her life to following Christ. Lord, hear her prayer...

Phyllis: Dear Lord, sometimes I don’t feel good enough to be your hands and feet in the world. Thank you for letting me be them anyway. Sometimes I don’t feel wise enough to know why you called me in the first place. Thank you for calling me anyway.  Sometimes I don’t feel like I can pay the cost of discipleship. Thanks for loving me anyway.

PS:  In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Both: Amen.