Things I miss

I'm two weeks out of surgery, and... would it be weird to say the novelty has worn off? Maybe better to say is that I'm getting tired of some things about my situation. Today I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon and I'm hoping hoping hoping that my second drain will finally come out. I need the levels to be at 30 for two days in a row, and I was there over the weekend, but then Monday it jumped up to 37 and yesterday it was down again (except Klaus accidentally opened it and it spilled a little, so who knows...). One wise family member pointed out that as much as I hate the drain, it does remind me that I'm not yet 100% and even if my head is ready for some action, my body is not. She is right - with the drain out, this will be harder to remember. I'm okay with that. Get it out!

But until the drain does come out, I have been thinking about some of things that I have really been missing during these two weeks of convalescence. I will share them with you, so that you might fully appreciate your own possession of these small things in life.

1) I miss a good morning stretch. I wake up and would just love to raise my arms over my head, then out to my sides and S-T-R-E-T-C-H it all out after a long night of sleeping. Especially since I can't really move much while I sleep these days, I could really use that stretch. As I get more limber, I can stretch a little bit (sometimes I try too hard and end up with soreness or a charlie horse in my chest, somehow), but not nearly to my satisfaction yet.

2) I miss looking forward to curling up in bed. I spend almost all day some days on my back, under a blanket, propped up by couch pillows. So there's not much appeal to getting to go to bed - where I will lie on my back under a blanket and prop myself up with pillows. Now, if I could curl up on my side and snuggle in with the blankets, that would be something different, but this is not yet an option for me. I sometimes feel a little claustrophobic when I get uncomfortable in my perpetual on-my-back sleeping position and I realize I don't have any other options. I so badly want to roll over and curl up on my side. At this point, of course, I can't tell if that ever will be an option for me again - I have heard of women with implants who have never regained the ability to sleep on their stomach or side. Please don't be me, please don't be me, please don't be me...

3) I miss putting on clothes over my head. I have developed quite a wardrobe of camisoles and button up shirts that make me look and feel fairly normally dressed. I've gotten a little creative, and thanks to the ever-changing Rochester weather, I have had many varieties of layering available to me (one day it's 85, the next it is 65 and rainy). But I would love to no longer have the button-up or step-into limitation to my wardrobe.

4) I miss quickly hopping in and out of the shower. As it is, come shower time, I have to carefully unpin the drain and lace it through my shirt, then pin it to the black stockings to make my "necklace." Then I do the opposite at the other end, wringing out the stockings, unpinning the drain, then carefully stepping into my camisole, lace the drain through, make sure it lies flat and at a good angle that doesn't pinch, and pin it to my shirt or my pants. In the shower, I have enough mobility in my left arm to reach up to my head to get the shampoo on there, but at that reach, I don't yet have any strength, so my left hand can only lamely pat the shampoo in, leaving my right hand to do the grunt work. (This will be even lamer if/when I have the right side done, because I will be trying to do all of this with my non-dominant hand.) To and from the shower, while I have nothing to pin the drain to, I carry it around like a stupid pet rock or something. Ugh, the thought of this ugly drain as any kind of a pet is too much.

5) I miss exercise. I'm not normally a big exerciser - I only do it because I need it, not because I enjoy it. But there have been several days when I've thought about how good it would feel to throw on some running shoes and take off! (I'd probably get to the second block and be over that!) I was supposed to play in a soccer league this summer, and lament that loss every time I see my soccer ball. How good it would feel to really be able to move and stretch my muscles. As it is, I sometimes take Klaus out (off leash, because he's a strong little bugger, and when he pulls on the leash, it hurts) and he'll see a jogger or a dog and take off running, and I'm left on the porch to pathetically and fruitlessly call his name, unable to chase after him, or to pick him up when I would get there.

6) I miss hugs and cuddles. This has been an emotional time, for me and for my loved ones. There have been a couple times when I have been sitting with someone who is crying, and all I've been able to do is shove my empathetic dog at them and hope he'll do. If I could cuddle up to Michael and let him embrace me with those loving arms of his, or wiggle up next to him on the couch while we watch TV. If I could genuinely hug my parents. If I could hug anyone, for that matter, and actually touch them with more then a "gentle hug" (the kind where you don't really touch except your arms and shoulders). I COULD USE A HUG!