Preparing

Michael has dubbed me "Ms. Busy." It's true. But I like it this way - I don't have to think about what's happening in 11 days (holy crap) hardly at all! I have commitments almost every night between now and then. That's one way to prepare, I guess.

But worry not, I have still found time to prepare for this in my own ways. I am listening a lot to my boobie playlist, feeling the empowerment, humor, sadness, beauty and fun that is packed into those 40 songs. I am having a Bye-bye Boobie Farewell Party as promised, so some energy has gone into that. (Sorry boys, it is mostly girls only - Michael and Klaus are the only boys invited!) A friend passed on a script for a show she participated in called "Breastify" - sort of a Vagina Monologues for boobies - and I spent a good half a day dreaming about doing such a show here in Rochester. My reconstruction guidebook told me to exercise in preparation for mastectomy so that I will be equipped to heal the best I can, so since the weather has suddenly gotten nicer, Klaus and I have enjoyed several walks (well, I enjoyed them, and Klaus was mostly an ornery sack of lazy bones... aww good boy). Also with the warmth has come some added vitamin D, excellent for preventing breast cancer (still caring for Righty, after all!). Much to my (and admittedly, Michael's) delight, warm weather also means the possibility of clothing that *gasp* reveals a bit of cleavage. (Pastors have cleavage??) So I've worn dresses and/or low-cut tops almost every day this week, and let my left boob get all she can out of the warm weather before she goes bye-bye. This is honestly the primary factor driving my clothing choices each morning.

We've also kept ourselves very busy with house-hunting! Yes, it's true, Michael and I are on the verge of making an offer on a house. After many, many houses and online searches and pro and con lists and google documents... we think we have found one we agree on. We will go see it one more time to be sure, and are looking at one other one that just became available. But then next week we may actually make an offer! It will be great to be able to cross that Big Thing off the list, at least the first step. You know you have a lot going on when people say, "You must be so excited about your wedding!" and I think, "Oh yeah, the wedding..." Not that I have forgotten that, but it is third on the list of major life events right now: First, house. Second, mastectomy. THIRD, wedding. That's three whole months away (from today)! Not only that, having gone through all of this together, it honestly feels like we are already married. We still are very excited to celebrate this joyous union with all our family and friends, but it feels just like making official something that very much feels real. We have gone through as many major life things in our relatively short time together than some couples get in 20 years. I guess that bodes well for the future success of our partnership!

Another thing I have been doing is reading a book called Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy, by Geralyn Lucas. I saw her interviewed on PBS right before I was diagnosed again - she was 28 when she was diagnosed, recently married, had just landed her dream job at 20/20, was looking forward to having kids... sound familiar? So when I found out I would need a mastectomy, I ordered the book, and it sometimes feels like I am reading my own memoir. We have much in common, and she has gotten me thinking a lot about my situation and how I have processed it. One big difference between us, though, is that she was genuinely concerned for her life - a resounding theme is, "I just hope I make it to 30." I have never once thought I would die from this, and to be honest, I get a little frustrated when people suggest that I might. I never once thought I would die from Hodgkin's (but then, I was an invincible 15-year-old), and the thought that breast cancer would take my life has never crossed my mind, except as something that will not happen. I don't even feel like that is determination speaking, though that's what it sounds like to read it there. I just know it: I'm not going to die from breast cancer. The possibility seems ridiculous, frankly.

That's sort of a random collection of thoughts, and to be honest, I didn't even get to what I intended to write about in this blog. Welcome to the inner workings of my brain these days. Guess I've got more material for later. Until then, in the words of Fleetwwod Mac (now playing on my boobie playlist), "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. It will soon be here."