Michael's birthday

Yesterday was Michael's 41st birthday. It was a low key affair - Michael's favorite pizza, some of our favorite TV shows, wearing our favorite outfits (sweats!), and one friend stopped by to hang out for a bit. Just exactly what we both wanted and needed, especially after last year's birthday.

On Michael's 40th birthday, we spent the day in the hospital, because I was having my first lumpectomy - what we hoped and prayed would be a once-and-done event for getting rid of breast cancer. Most of my surgery memories have blurred today, but I do have a few memories of that particular day. Most of them are from being in the breast care center beforehand, when I had to go to get a wire loc, to show the surgeon where the cancer actually was in my breast. And I remember one of the doctors who was there, the one who had first told me about the calcifications on July 9, 2012, and had said to me, "The treatment that saved your life when you were 16 has caused this to happen." Now as they wheeled me out of the breast care center and toward surgery, she said, "When's the wedding?" At that time, the date was still set for July, so I said, "July 20," and she said, "And when do you start making babies?" and I said, "July 20!" and we all laughed, joyful that today would be the day that cancer would go away and Michael and I would get on with our lives.

There were so many emotions that day: some fear (Michael had tried to read in the waiting room, but could not focus on a thing to save his life), some joy, some confusion. This year, Michael and I both recalled what a bizarre way it was to spend a big birthday, but didn't talk about it much beyond that. I silently reflected on all that has happened since that day, which now seems so very long ago. How much has happened in the meantime! I won't get into it - just go ahead and read the blogs between then and now if you want to know! - but I did want to mention it.

I do wonder when Michael's birthday will go back to just being Michael's birthday, just as I wonder when my birthday will stop being "the day I had my first biopsy." (I have much more vivid memories of my 29th birthday than my 30th birthday this past year.) Someday cancer won't be something that marks the milestones of our days. Someday I hope we will be more focused on things like our wedding anniversaries, our children's birthdays, stuff like that.

I do look forward to that day.