Calm after the storm

After four months of thinking constantly about the next procedure, the next surgery, the next nerve-wracking news I might receive... I admit I'm not really sure what to do with myself now. Well, I mean I guess it's good that Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas are around the corner, because that is certainly something to do with myself. In fact, I've been in overdrive at work these past two weeks, finally making up for lost time, visiting a bunch of folks, planning a bunch of services.... I need to remember that just because I'm not sick anymore doesn't mean I should make myself sick by working myself into the ground. Though I also find I'm even more keenly aware of the importance of self-care, so I think I'm okay.

But really, when you're in the midst emotionally intensity, everything is heightened. You don't need to find interest in the everyday things because there's this big external thing that sucks all your attention and energy. Then suddenly it's all done and you're left with... normal. (Just occurred to me, this must be akin to what empty-nesters feel when their last chick flies the coop. Push push push, then suddenly, nothing.) So what do you do with normal?

Well for one thing, you don't suddenly see it as drabber and less interesting than it is. That is the danger, isn't it? There was a time in my life (college-ish) when if something dramatic wasn't going on, then I quickly lost interest. (Perhaps that was a symptom of having had an eventful high school career, which included playing year-round soccer, choir, band, orchestra, honors classes, youth group... not to mention beating cancer, playing with the New York Philharmonic, and being featured on several major news media.) I'd like to think I'm past that need-drama stage now, able to appreciate the joy in little things, the wonder of everydayness, the delight and excitement of each new experience. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But I certainly see great value in simplicity and just enough of the mundane to keep me grounded.

Let me be less vague and more honest. At the end of all this, I admit, I'm not feeling as ecstatic as I am feeling a little let down. Am I happy? Of course! But this a sort of calm following the storm: safer, but less exciting, and less interesting. No, I don't expect this mysteriously boring calm to last - I've got a wedding to plan, after all! I guess I'm just expressing to anyone who wants to "listen" out in cyber space that my next challenge will be to get back to that place of appreciating the mundane, relishing in calmness, and finding joy and delight in everyday stuff. That, and finding things to write about in this blog. :-P